Finding Ritual Tools, synchronicity, and going to the stinky new age store.

[the Channeler is faking the channeling of a spirit for the Warlock]
Channeler: I have come - Zamiel. Ask... me... what... you... will.
WARLOCK: I would ask that we wait.
CHANNELER For... what... do... we... wait?
WARLOCK: For the true Zamiel to appear.
-Warlock Movie - 1989

In case you haven't been following along. I am now embarking on a new journey into the occult with a more mature and grounded form of metaphysics, a stable adult life, and a strong bond with my family where once I had only upheaval. Part of that process of delving into the occult is finding a clear occult path to start on.

I have chosen for this most important step - The Black Book Of Azathoth, by S. Ben Qayin.

The inspiration for this work is based on the Lovecraftian mythos, and is a work begun long ago by that author and cleaned up for sale on Become A Living God.  Whatever your feeling is for EA Koetting, S. Ben Qayin stands apart, more so now that he literally parted company (amicably apparently) with Koetting.

I do not idolize people, I do not demonize them.  I may judge them, but I really don't care much what people think of the people I find interesting.  Frauds, fakers, and the insane, saints, leaders, and guides... It Makes no difference. All have a thing to share, a piece of the puzzle if you will.  I treat all knowledge as a buffet.  I take what I want, and leave the rest.

With The Black Book of Azathoth, I am heeding a call I have felt since I was a teen.  It doesn't phase me that some occultists would mock my practice here, saying it is inauthentic.  In truth, I am counting on it! I am not a particularly rabid fan of Lovecraft's writing.  I would often tell friends who are more familiar with his work that I never read any of it, but I loved it all.

This is an important revelation to me, I have little experience with the stories, but the mythos is intuitive for me, so when I began learning it more, and in the last few weeks the call has been utterly deafening, I am not quite obsessed, but I am certainly invigorated and focused on this 23 current thing.

For me, this isn't to be ignored. Be they real dark outer gods beyond space and time, calling to the mortal sphere for more ground floor allies or trusting victims. Or be it nothing more than a psychic trend put into the mind of the sensitive by way of pop culture revival in the form of video games, or similar threads in movies.

No doubt in a years time I will look back on this blog and my thoughts and smirk at how silly I was being.  But there is the chance I will look back on this time and be full of pride at finally heeding the call and finding a current I belong in.

The Black Book of Azathoth is interesting to me because the workings within are simplistic, they are very easy to perform, with lots of spoken parts that can be read directly from the book, not a lot of complexity, not a lot of steps. My intuition tells me that this is because the forces being dealt with are going to send my mind into flights of terror, as every element of the rites are based around vulnerability to these cosmic horrors and being alone in the dark under the stars.  So being able to follow along and continue the working is important.  Simple is better.  And as these beings are from strange other planar angles, and do not play by the rules of contemporary or traditional magick... A protective circle has no real effect, and using any form of banishing or binding force like the Eldar Sign does nothing but piss them off or prevent them from showing at all.

More to the point and this is speaking from experience - I don't care who you are, calling on demons in your temple in your garage or basement or attic or whatever, even on the darkest stormiest night, after watching a good scary movie, is child's play compared to intentionally finding a foreboding and secluded spot in the wilderness and waiting till at least around midnight, or better yet 3 am and evoking even a neutral monster like Nyarlathotep. All while being ALONE (according to the book, absolute isolation is necessary, you cannot do these rituals with a partner or an audience, it will not work) without any sort of protective circle.  I won't lie, I plan on bringing a worthy staff or sword with me, just to give me that little bit of security.  My cell phone will be off, just to add to the edge of terror, but it will be in my pocket and my wife will be on standby in case I don't come home.

Make no mistake, I fully intend on coming home, I have no doubt I will return exhilarated.  But pretending there is REAL danger makes it more fun, and let's be honest, there is always the possibility something could happen, even if it's just some maniac with a machete wandering the secluded spot I picked out.  Hell, if that was what it was I'd be relieved, I could use a good workout.

So the rituals themselves seem easy in the mechanical sense. The ritual tools themselves are proving a challenge.  And from my research, I'm not the only one that thinks so, and this is actually important IMHO.

Luckily I am on track to undertake the initiation with Nyarlathotep under the light of the first night of the Waxing Crescent.  But I am finding it hard to find some of the items required.

The rites call for specific things, some of them are harder to get than others.  One, in particular, is going to require a special trip to an antique store or perhaps a junkyard.

Some might say - Well in Chaos magick there is room to deviate, we don't do Dogmatic formulas here. 

I am inclined to agree, but a foundation is a different matter.  Part of the Gnosis for some of us is doing everything in a sacred and precise way.

If the spell says - get five candles and arrange them in a pentagram, and you go out to the dollar store and grab 5 tea lights and make a crude pentangle shape with them.  Well, if that works or is what is called for, great.

But if the ritual says - Find 5 candles, one representing each of the five elements of nature, all unscented, and inscribe on them the Sigil of each element.

Well, those candles mean something now.  They are no longer "Just" tea candles, they are entities, they are conversation pieces, they take up REAL space in your mind.

If the beings being evoked ARE REAL and not just (JUST!? LOL) Egregores you create with your mind's eye, a kind of astral hallucination if you will, would they not be a bit more impressed by the Warlock that takes the effort to do things the right way?

One thing novice modern practitioners may not understand, that I always knew intuitively, is that as much energy and effort goes into the empty time BEFORE a spell or ritual as does the casting itself, Much more so in fact if you are doing it right.  If anything the casting of a spell is really just the breaking of the tension, a release of what has been building in the preparations.

What is a ritual or a spell if not an elaborate augmented Reality version of a Sigil?  Formed out of neurolinguistic imagery in 4-dimensional spacetime, with hours spent dwelling on the details so as to obscure the desired outcome so that when you cast the ritual it is released, and meant to be forgotten until it manifests as action.

So it is for this reason that I am treating the acquisition of these needed ritual tools as a sacred quest, a major and important part of the journey.  While some elements can certainly be improvised, some need to be given reverence.

Certainly, ANY Tool that is meant to be CONSECRATED should not be some cheap trinket bought on Amazon, and if it is, you had best be sure to customize and personalize it somehow.  Don't buy a wand... Buy the wood and CARVE the wand in the light of the full moon with the same knife you use to draw blood for ritual, hell do it Naked with profane symbols smeared in that very blood on your chest.  Ok, I might not go that far, but you bet your ass I will be deep in meditation and gnosis while I do it for mine.

Of course, your ways may vary, you may feel some of this is not needed, you may feel other things take precedence, and as with all Chaos Magick, that is your prerogative, and if it gets you results, so be it.  But I am of the mind that the more sincere the act, the more real the result.

So Today, seeing I needed a few things to be ready in time for the First night of the Waxing Crescent, I went in search of a place that sold candles and incense.  And stumbled (googled) upon a tiny little "shoppe" on the edge of my old (not current) hometown. The shop I had made my home base in the past had closed over a decade ago... So I was desperate for a source.

This new place was a hippy-dippy New Age store, crystals, henna, readings... and not much else.  It stank of excessive use of aromatherapy oils and scented candles.  Yanni was playing on the sound system, and it was clear this place was focused on "fad" occult products for basic bitches and those into Yoga and henna and all that kind of "fashionable" occult.

I mean no disrespect to someone making a living, I bear no ill will, but this place was oppressive to me.  Not in a bad evil way, not in a threatening way, but in a way that assaulted my sense of smell and being so small I felt stifled.  There was barely room for 3 people to stand in the whole place, and I'm a large beast of a man who takes up the space of 2 lesser men.

The woman who owned the store was damaged.  By damaged I mean my psychic sense told me this woman was not quite balanced.  She was weary of the game, selling trinkets and perhaps a bit disillusioned.

I sensed a common link and on a hunch brought up the old Store I considered my home base back in the day.  And instantly I could feel the energy change.  I am a strong Empath, and I felt the walls of her facade crumble.

"Oh yeah, I used to be with him."  She said.

"Oh?  That must have been before I moved on and hadn't been there in a while, did you work for him long?"

"I didn't just work for him, we had a baby, then he cheated on me, then he moved halfway across the country and took the kid..."

The pieces fell into place. I was done here. This place was full of vibrations I couldn't use.  So even if I found a useful component for my workings, unless it was something very basic and independent of the energies of the source like incense, I wasn't going to trifle here.  Forget the stones or other charms... I would find better luck getting what I needed from an online warehouse like Amazon.  This isn't some petty thing, I know I could cleanse the stones or products.  But this place was stinking up my mind too much, and even now as I write this, the stench of new age hokum makes my head hurt.

To be clear, I didn't hate this person or anything, I felt a great pang of sorrow and pity for her, I know she is me, and I am her, and her suffering was vibrant and palpable... but I need to have no distractions.

I would buy incense or a candle, nothing else.

I looked around, no candles, not one.  Hardly ANY incense. and the stones stunk to high heaven with patchouli and scented oils.  I had a splitting headache.

I asked if she had any other incense around, she asked what I was looking for and I told her, and she said:

"Oh, you're doing a Thing?"

"Yes, I am doing A thing."

She smiled, visibly pleased that someone had come to her shop to do something besides shop for ornaments and jewelry, but the thing she once based her ego on.

"I like that you knew what I meant by a thing."

"I like that you knew I was doing a thing," I said charmingly.

I think she expected me to elaborate.  However, you and I both know that would have gone badly, or would have required lying.  And despite being fluent in that language, I don't need some strange practitioner knowing my business.  It's enough she knows I'm doing something.  Plus, despite my ego and desire to be known, I'm still quite shy, like an octopus.

With her help, I managed to find 3 of the incense types I needed.  One of them was of decent quality and source, and so I spent a few dollars as a way to cleanse myself of any negative vibrations of my own.  I like supporting local business, as a minarchist libertarian, this is just a custom of mine.

Truth be told, She did have the sense, the shining, it was dull, but there. she could tell we shared a moment of connection, that I probed and read her and closed the door on letting her know me.  I knew more about her than she would know about me.  She didn't push, she could tell I wasn't the sharing type.

In another time I might have been a sage and reached out and sent the energy of divinity toward her and shined like a star.  But today... not today.  There is an eclipse going on psychically for me, and to bring back the sun, I must open the chests of the chosen and sacrifice their hearts.

I saw this as a moment of Synchronicity, a callback and quote to the old days when I would use the old shop in town.  Even if polluted by this woman's bitterness, some of the Energy of the old shop was here, imbued in the very walls of the place by this woman's angst and suffering... maybe not the good kind, but it was here.  I could use that... not all of it as said, but it adds meaning.

Today I burned a test blend for Nyarlathotep, The incense smelled lovely, Frankincense, Myrrh, and Sandalwood... It will do nicely for the initiation rite, and it holds some special meaning for me now.

Strange how these things work no?

If all things work out, one of my next blog posts will be reporting on the experiences I had with the initiation.  I will NOT include the full details of the working, if you want to do it yourself, you need to buy the book.  I believe this is an important part of the working. Not cutting corners unless absolutely necessary.  Not because the corners do anything, but because dealing with them does.


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