Not of my own Accord - No more doubt



The specter of the supernatural in your everyday life can be a fickle gremlin, synchronicity can sometimes be rare, and you can wonder if you are just missing the signs, or if you have been disconnected from the "need to know" supernatural circuit.

Other times things happen rapid fire.

I have often been told, and do believe, that demons (and other entities) come to you, more so than the other way around. We work with them because they are already working with or ON us.  Likely because WE are already in tune with them in some way.

I have always thought Corvids like Ravens and Crows were awesome birds, and consider them my favorite birds in general.  However, for the last few months, Crows are Ravens are a recurring obsession and theme for me.  To the point where one day I just started collecting Raven statues, figures and sculptures.  I have several now that I display prominently, and one of them serves as the guardian of my Grimoire.

I'm so goth my farts sound like readings of Edgar Alan Poe...

I won't bother to list for you ALL the recurrences of Ravens and crows in my recent life... but a few highlights might include the fact that in my area, crows are rare, We see maybe 3 or 4 of them a year, and I work outside for a living, so I keep an eye out for them.

Ravens are practically unheard of, especially full sized ones, though well within their range, we never ever see them.  To the point, I've never seen one in person, only in photos.

But this year I have had several close calls with crows, and one incredible visitation by a pair of Ravens...

The crow landed ten feet away from me, and for about a half hour I fed it scraps of my lunch and it came back and was more and more friendly each time, getting closer, and watching me intently.  Studying me.  Nothing magickal, just a friendly crow...




Then the day after my final day of initiation with Nyarlathotep a pair of the largest Ravens I can imagine easily 6-foot wingspan on the larger of the 2, 5 foot on the smaller one, perched high atop a power line overlooking my backyard where were we having a party for my son.  They watched us, and squawked and flew off.  They were so big and hard to miss everyone at the party stopped to watch and take pictures, and most people didn't know what they were, saying they looked like the biggest birds they have ever seen.  Even at 70 feet away, they looked like they were a few feet from us, and dwarfed the largest birds in the area.



Ever since then I have heard raven squawks in the distance, and felt drawn to them, and was always doing something else that meant I couldn't go chasing the sounds... It's amazing how far their calls can carry, even in this busy industrial/suburban area.

I see them every now and then, apparently, they must have set up a nest, or are staying in the area for a while... I keep wondering if they were here for a reason, if I would be lucky enough to find a nice feather, or get a close encounter with one...

Then, this past Sunday, I released my primer on Shadow People, generating a lot of conversations around FB and several hundred reads.  It's my second most popular Blog post so far, and I'm proud of it and the response it's gotten, considering how long it is, which means people are reading it and appreciating it enough to send me their stories and thoughts.

That night, not 2 hours after dropping that post, my house had a nocturnal visitor.  "Something" was in the house, and the dog was going nuts.

My dog normally sleeps with us in our bed near the foot of the bed.  She's a very small, older dachshund, and very well trained and a great member of the family.  She is a calm, and soothing presence at bedtime, and likes to snuggle and lick us to sleep, before going to her part of the bed to rest.

This night would be different... after settling down, and just as I fell asleep, I began to feel her romping around on the bed.  At first, she was climbing up onto my legs, then ran to my head, licking me, then back to my feet.  I woke up and felt uneasy, I felt an oppressive sensation.  It was cold in the room, colder than I normally keep the temp (I like to sleep in the cold), but I was sweating profusely.  I felt clammy and the air was dense and close.  And there was an ominous creepy feeling in the air, not unlike what I would feel when shadows are around, but not quite as scary or dreadful.

My dog was acting uncharacteristically upset, trying to leap off the bed to get to something in the corner of the room, she refused to take her eyes off of it, and I would call her to stay away from the edge, and she ignored me, or circled right back to watch the spot, ears switching between concerns, and attentive, laid back and nervous, and forward and aggressive.   Her tail wagged like it does when she is encountering a scary strange person or dog, a kind of unsure wag, a slight flick now and then as if trying to test the tail wag to see if it makes the other dog-friendly or what.

She was looking around, much like she does when scolded, and I had enough, I began to accept that something was in the room, I grabbed my cell phone, and began recording with the camera light on. leaving the room dark otherwise.

She would not take her attention off the corner of the room, the same corner that over a decade ago, my wife and I frequently felt was a creepy part of the house for some reason, it just got "better."

The only thing I could think of that night was that in that corner of the room is an old trunk that I found in the attic of a home I once lived in.  When I moved I kept it.  The trunk was very very old and was being used for storage now.  Once it had been filled with my old occult related treasures, now long gone, and for years now it just had old SCA and LARP outfits and armor.

Earlier that same day, I had emptied it out, and more or less threatened that I wanted to get rid of it and everything in it. Was there a spirit in the trunk?  Was it mad that I emptied it, threatened to throw it all out?

No... that could be it, but it didn't feel right.

"It must have something to do with that blog post I just released about the shadow people!"  I thought firmly.

I began talking to whatever it was, trying to identify it, but I got no psychic impressions, only concern for my dog as if that was clouding my judgment.  I tried being nice as is the custom, acknowledging the presence and asking it what it wanted, to identify itself or leave with my respect, I repeated this 3 times. When it didn't respond, I again asked that if it meant me or anyone here harm, that it must leave immediately or I would take steps to banish it, and demanded it cease scaring my dog and giving my house such a creepy vibe.

Nothing...

I then asked "Are you here because I wrote that blog?  Are you mad about it?"  Nothing.  "Or are you happy I'm doing it?"

Just then, my phone shut off... out of the blue, and reset.  My heart turned to a cinderblock and nearly leaped out of my mouth...

My phone switched back on by itself, and my background image, which is of a raven in flight appeared, and I quickly went back to filming.

My wife finally awoke... I began to apologize when she said no, you need to hear this... I just had the most intense dream.   I have to tell it to you... it was so vivid...

Began to tell me about this dream where I was presiding over some kind of mournful solemn ceremony in the forest, a kind of magick ritual or funeral of some kind.  Behind me was a huge crow like being, with two human arms, a crow body and head, and big black wings.   Its wings were draped over me protectively, while I and the being conducted the ceremony.  she said I was a bit different and had 2 pairs of short twisted horns, like a twisted horn deer.

She said she remembered at one point while conduction the ceremony, I said -

"I do this, not of my own accord..."

And conducted some part of the ritual using 2 goblets, a mirror and a small glass box shaped a bit like a house.  The house passed into and through the mirror as if being sent to another dimension... Then she woke up.

I got all this on video, and am tempted to put it up, but I will only be showing it to people I trust for obvious reasons.  I will include a short gif of the dog...

They're heeeeeerrrreeeee...... 

All hope for sleeping this night was dashed, the dog began to settle down a bit, but was still upset.  We researched and I, still being rusty on my demonology, took a minute to key in on Malphas.  Malphas is a Goetic president demon whos focus revolve around building houses, structures, and towers (building shelters and defenses) artificers and craftsman (creating magic tools and tinkering), learning secrets about enemies (scouting and espionage), and will deceive you if you sacrifice to it (you must only offer things as rewards for services rendered, and never assume its desires are material in nature, it hates materialism).

I showed my wife the pictures of Malphas people have drawn and she became utterly certain that one or two pictures were exactly like what she saw.

I began to wonder if the presence I was feeling was a bad one or a good one, maybe Malphas wasn't a threat, but was making himself known to us, maybe he was offering to work with us?  He does like Teamwork, and my wife has been struggling a bit to find her place in my reawakening into the occult.  She has been very supportive so far, helping me find incenses, and go for rides to antique shops to find things to use for ritual tools.

The rest of the night nobody slept a wink, it took several hours for my dog to settle, and I chose not to try to dismiss the spirit, and certainly not banish it, simply stating that it could stay if it meant no harm.

With my blessing and encouragement, the next day my wife did a full smudging.   I don't do them myself, but hey, why not right?

Well, the fires of obsessive research and synchronicity were burning bright, and she and I kept finding more and more reasons why it had to be Malphas, more and more things that fit... I began to get the feeling that what I am doing with the Shadow People may require the protection of a powerful demonic president, and feel more strongly than ever about finishing my manuscript on the subject and releasing it when it's been worked with and tested.

But not before making sure my shit is protected.

Today, my wife and I had our weekly date day, the day we dress up, have lunch, and go around shopping - lately it's been looking in antique shops for occult baubles new age shops for incense I can't find or don't need so much of that it's worth buying in bulk.

So far, all we found was a nice old seashell she could use for smudging... funny how that worked out just in time for her to use it eh?

But today was the big day... we hit a small little store, and it had that vibe, the stuff was much more unique, not just thrift...

The ladies that ran it, collected good stuff, estate sale stuff, old stuff...

I need a good mirror for occult purposes... and specifically, The black book of Azathoth requires that I find an old well-used mirror, a mirror that is tarnished, cracked or otherwise seen some shit...  It needs to have seen a great many things... It can't be "store bought" which I took to mean, some new mirror off the shelf at Kmart, and couldn't just be any old used mirror, but something special, something... well, anyone who shops for occult tools in antique stores knows what I mean, you let the object find you.

This store had 2 in particular... my wife said one of them looked a lot like the one in her dream, the other caught my eye as we walked in in the display window area.

We looked around a bit, and the 2 old ladies running the joint were very helpful, they also gave me several repeated compliments on my walking stick.

I look like the dapper goth pimp when I have this beauty... 
We got the prices on the two mirrors, and I wasn't sure which to get... The one really seemed to speak to my wife, the other to me, but I would have been happy with either...

We told them we would go have lunch and think about it...

We walked about 100 steps out the door and I said - "Fuck it, you want to get both?"

My wife's eyes lit up, and we ran back.

Money paid...

As we were getting wrapped up, the main owner of the store came in, and asked who bought one mirror, she asked how much it sold for, and her eyes blew up with surprise... I paid 95 for it, but it was meant to be sold for 250... I felt kinda guilty... But she refused to take it back or change the terms of the sale (hey, THAT is an honorable businessperson).  She scolded the other two playfully that they gave me a really good deal... that mirror that I bought for myself was well over 100 years old and very rare...

But that confirmed it...

The coffin that holds all the doubt I still sometimes feel about the occult? That fucking nailed it shut. Any left at this point is for the birds... literally... the big black ones that seem to be following me around now...

Whatever doubt you have that the occult is real withers so easily in the maelstrom of consistent synchronicity and coincidence...

What else can be said?  When you are supposed to do something, it happens, and often when it happens like this, it means there is a reason.

Both of these mirrors are going to be cleaned and prepared, and when the time comes I am going to consecrate this mirror to Azathoth... and likely my wife will consecrate hers to Malphas.

Speaking of which, that is the next step... an evocation of Malphas, to make sure that was who paid us a visit (I think there is little doubt, to be honest) and see what kind of arrangement we will be making with him... I predict I will be asking him for protection and information about the Shadow People, as well as a long-term familiar to watch over us and help me empower and carry out my spellwork.

I cannot help but believe the spirits and demons WANT me to continue this blog and work to create something in their name and honor.

I will, in all likelihood offer to dedicate my work on the shadow People manuscript to Malphas if he carries out his end of the bargain. Nyarlathotep won't be left out either, as I will certainly be evoking him to watch over my workings and guide me.  I believe that Malphas may be reaching out to my wife and me to protect us during all this, and to be featured as a strong way to protect yourself if you choose to work with my book dealing with Shadow people... I will thus need to do a lot of work with him to find out how he would like me to incorporate him into any rituals and inclusion into the book, probably as a primary protective demon to use.

But there is one part that troubles me... "I do this, not of my own accord..."  Was that a warning?  My wife indicated the dream had the air of sacrifice, the somber tone of mourning...

"I do this, not of my own accord..."


Never... Not on your life... I am no one's slave... At least... not that I know of?


Mind the Shadows - D.H. Thorne



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