More about arrogance, and being true to yourself

I got a few private messages about the subject of my last blog post where I talk about Arrogance.

(also a LOT of you loved the ritual I offered - Thank you for your kind words!)

So it may be important for you to go back and read THAT POST before this one if you are new to my blog. Read that and come back if you like, I'll wait.

*taps foot*

Anyway, in my last post, I spoke about how Arrogance is a key facet of what makes an LHP sorcerer tick. That Arrogance is a key ingredient in working magick. Now, truth be told, I was trained more or less by my study of Zen to use a lot of spicy thought-provoking statements, to use hyperbole to make people think.

To be honest, part of what trips people up is that they see the word Arrogant as a negative thing, it's right in the definition after all. So they can be insulted if you call them Arrogant. To which I always smile and say - "Only an arrogant person cares about their apparent arrogance. A humble person admits it..." If they are REALLY Arrogant they will suddenly admit it... I love double binds.

Ohhh this can make some people SOOO mad... Everyone says they want to know their true self till it's time to look in the mirror.

Anyway... It all comes from a rather Zen oriented perspective, people do not often really think about themselves, not their truest motivations and true attitudes. People think much much more about their EGO self, Or their superego idealized self.

Nearly everyone fails this test, and when presented to them, they almost all respond by saying how that isn't true.

But it is.

Most people barely pay any attention to their true motivations, instead, they pay attention to the performance of the puppet they hide behind, and forget they are not the puppet. They want to make sure the puppet seems real and looks the best it possibly can.  You don't even need to be a nondualist to see this.

For example - Take this statement most people on earth utter at least once.

"Oh - I love my family."

No... You don't.  At least, chances are, unless you are the one in a billion who truly does... you don't.
You love what your family does for you, how they make you feel. You don't actually care about THEM. Not in the form of TRUE compassion and caring. You fear the loss of the joy they bring you. You don't "Care" about "them", so much as you enjoy them, and this joy they make you feel is something you value enough to risk parts of yourself to preserve, but only parts.

Of course, you will "Say" and maybe "Believe" that you would sacrifice yourself for the people you love... You will deny that you are being selfish. But that might just be because you know that is what expected of someone in love. You believe and have been trained to believe that any other expression of love is a bad thing. That you should be ashamed if you don't TRULY love the people you say you love.

But it is entirely too painful for a lot of people without extensive Zen style training, or hardcore Might make Right, Ragnar Redbeard Satanic Left-hand Path enlightenment on some level to reflect on these realities.

This doesn't mean "True" love isn't out there, or that you have/can/will never experience it...

But, it should be very telling that I have to include those possibilities, to string you along with the feeling of HOPE that maybe, just maybe you are the exception to the rule. But... I'd also say it's safe to wager that what we truly LOVE, is ourselves. 

Now, as a nondualist, this makes an extra kind of sense... but just from a normal every day logical real-world sense... that should be intuitive for even a mundane everyday concrete material dualist.  It's also true - we love how others make us feel... but very very rarely love another person as another person independent of how they make us feel. 

This is the source of the concept of TRUE compassion in all forms of Buddhism. To Truly care for someone regardless of how it makes us feel, is an elusive thing... a thing that can never be achieved if you try to do it on purpose... because if we do it on purpose we are doing it for ourselves, not out of true compassion!

Thus, most people on the tertiary Buddhist "new age feel good, goody two shoes right-hand" path stumble all over trying to act like they have the truest compassion to the point where it is obviously just an act to people like me. True compassion in fact often means leaving people the fuck alone, and not going out of your way to treat them good or bad, and not even really going out of your way to not go out of your way. 

See... Zen (as a practice) is really all about being true to yourself and learning to live life mindfully in a state of spontaneous action without SELF, or Selfish motivation. To live and be without attachment. To BE the Self, not the puppet the self-pretends to be. It is indeed a very LHP kind of thing... Or at least, it can be.  Oh sure a big part of that is attaining or reaching or experiencing selflessness... Satori, or Mushin, or enlightenment blah blah... but that is really all it is, is blah blah.  That doesn't mean there is no Satori, or mushin, or enlightenment, but that is the carrot on the end of the stick that makes you stare at a wall for years till you accept you can't do it on purpose... And if you are lucky that revelation will lead to you doing it by accident and waking up. 

Zen pairs down the issue to the core of the matter and forces you, one way or another, to know yourself. Your true self. The true motivations, the self between the thoughts. A lot of people only understand Zen from the TV or the popular face it has in public, the modest, polite monks, who seem to be just the nicest gentlest people on the planet... ROFL what a LAUGH, what an act...

You know who "got it" and was legit in their expression?

Alan Watts, he told you flat out that his whole deal was an Act, that he was an entertainer, and not a saint, or a monk or a priest, or anything else.

Remember, that wise old Roshi you see on TV? He likely lives in an opulent Temple with gold leaf inlay and priceless paintings on the temple wall.  He will live in this opulent place but have nothing of his own save a scant few personal items, and eat modest meals and rice gruel and all these things... But that Wise old Roshi lives modestly for a selfish reason because it makes him feel good. And he would probably be the first one to admit it if you asked him honestly without pretense. See, these people, at least the REAL ones, are not fakers. Unlike the priests at your local church who preach about charity and piety, they aren't hypocrites. They are the EXACT opposite of a hypocrite because they are fundamentally aware and open of their true self in ways most other people are not.

I am not trying to suck their spiritual dick, by the way, just trying to make a point... what was it again?

Oh right! 

The Zen oriented person, the self-aware person, the enlightened person, doesn't make value judgments based on your true motivations, in the same way, they do the ones you tell yourself, in other words - The Zen mind doesn't judge a man poorly who searches themselves honestly, and finds the truth in what I said about love. If you came up to me and said -

"I realize, I don't actually love my kids... I love how my kids make me feel and fear what I would feel if I lost them, and mistake that for love..." 

I would smile a knowing smile and nod not judge you. I would ask you how that makes you feel... and if you say you feel bad... I would say you still haven't gotten to the bottom of it... BEcause when you do... you feel FREE, liberated. ALIVE and happy!

Though... I wouldn't recommend you go around telling your kids that... To thine OWN self be true!  Shakespeare never said anything about bragging about it to others.

But yeah.

It goes deeper still.  By discovering this truth about oneself, we find it is the only way we can hope to be honest with those we love and treat them with the love they deserve.

If I know that the reason I "care" for my family, is because I fear to lose them... Because I fear the pain it would cause me to lose them...

I understand that my love is based not on caring and devotion and real love, but fear, and desire.

Something we see as selfish.

But if I see that, truly see it and know it, and embrace it... I can be honest with myself about it.

It doesn't change my behavior, I still buy them things, and cuddle them, and make them feel as happy as can be. But I refrain from lying to myself about the nature of my caring for them.

This ends delusion and allows me to align with my truest will more accurately. It is a simple but exquisitely powerful thing... to be honest to yourself, and not judge yourself for being honest and not judging the thing you find.

Remember, nothing about your behavior needs to change.  You don't become cold and uncaring, you become honest.  And perhaps, in that honesty, true love and caring can blossom, because I have news for you...

True love and caring cannot prosper in any form of delusion.

So... My point about arrogance is the same kind of thing.

Arrogance is seen as a negative attribute a thing to be avoided.

But... wouldn't ridding yourself of Arrogance be just as selfish and negative?

Aren't you trying to be rid of your arrogance for an arrogant reason?

Only by being honest, and accepting our truth can we hope to know our true will and ascend without stumbling over silly things.

Ask yourself why you truly want the power of a god, be brutally honest with yourself.

That won't mean you will stop seeking that power... but knowing the truth about why...

That might be everything you need to push you to the next level.

I will tell you, I had my full Zen Experience, I am liberated, and yet, despite the peace I experience, the unity and union that gave me... I am still here walking the LHP... to an outsider I look like I backslid like I gave up on Zen and on enlightenment and decided to play with fire instead. But the reality is, I know that what I am doing is a game, an expression of the divine, it is a fun kind of performance art. And to truly enjoy it you must go all the way, and believe in it and experience all it has to offer. 

But I know - I know better than most, what I am doing and why.  I am CHOOSING to play the game, instead of letting the game play me. This is why I can do what I do and be so powerful after only doing it again for the first time in almost 2 decades 2 months ago. 

Why Demons are throwing psychic bricks through my spiritual windows to get me to hold an audience with them. Because I have the "humility" to know my own arrogance, and the audacity to admit it, to know myself already before I even start working the magick they offer to teach me. 

Remember, the definition of Arrogant/arrogance is: "having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities."
Think about this for a moment... To someone of only tertiary Zen character, this might seem paradoxical to admit to arrogance, when so much in zen teaches humility as a virtue. 

But here is the mind-blowing part... to deny one's Arrogance and feel shame for it... is the pinnacle of Arrogance. We call this a form of "Attachment." 

The height of humility then would be to admit one's Arrogance, and not be ashamed of it, but to accept it and embrace it.  But not in response to being told that is the humble way of things... you have to figure it out and just BE that way.  To Admit it after knowing that is the humble way is just the arrogant way of acting humble. 

Remember the goal is not to be arrogant to an exaggerated level of self-destruction (attachment) but to become unattached to it. To transcend the silly judgment we might make about it. So... Like I said in my last post - It takes a great deal of Arrogance to look at the universe, and know what I know about myself AS that universe, and decide that I "Know better" and take control away from myself to work magick. 

This is a paradoxical statement again... At least for the Nondualist (which most LHP people are, they just don't realize it - All this "source" stuff, all this Gnostic Stuff... all this true self stuff) - If I am the universe, if I know I am the universe, who then am I taking control away from? Are you starting to see why this arrogance is important?

I have often said that the function of a Guru in terms of Enlightenment, isn't to teach us to be enlightened, but to give us an excuse to give us permission to admit we can wake up any time we want.  To give us the Arrogance of a god to wake up on purpose.

Do you see? To know you are IT? All of it? And that you are ALWAYS in control? This Requires an extreme level of arrogance.  An exaggerated sense of self to see you are self-less!?

Even if you think you think you are relinquishing it... are you not then admitting you have the audacious and arrogance idea that you have control over it long enough to give it to someone else?

Oh...The Audacity... You have the control you need already, and you need to have the arrogance to see that and admit it to yourself. 

The paradox is the key. 

You need to twist with it back and forth and see it for the Ouroboros that it truly is. 

The cause, eating the effect, producing the cause that is eaten. Endlessly. You need to be arrogant to see it, because you ARE It, and you need to admit that you are IT, and that is impossible to do if you are trying to be humble. Because... There is nothing to be humble in comparison to. Just as there is no will other than your own for you to be free of. 

The idea of Free will... I could write reams on this, but it can be summed up simply this way - There is no free will because there is no "Other" will for you to be free of... For the Nondualist this clicks instantly.  For the Dualist... This can be harder to understand.

But take my word for it...There is only your will. Even if we limit ourselves to a dualistic sense of reality.  Because even if you believe in separation, in Self and Other as two different things.  The only way another will can have control over you and make you do things is if you give them permission to have that power over you.

You either have to decide that you are just atoms and molecules and quantum probability and thus have no free will.

Or decide you have free will despite those things.

And to see this, either as a dualist or nondualist takes Arrogance, and to admit that arrogance truly requires true humility... Here comes that Oroborus again!

Follow this long enough and the dragon eats its tail, and you wake up a master of reality.... you wake up as the dragon and your tail is delicious because you decided it would be when you made it because you knew you would be eating it, because you knew it would taste good, because you are eating it already because... 

Meditate on this... I have already, and it's your turn to wake up, and my turn to go to bed.

Mind the Shadows - D.H. Thorne 


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